A day with the boy.

The boy and I had a great day today! Spent the rest of the afternoon once I got off of school hanging out with E and chit chatting. It's nice to catch up with him... We don't get nearly enough time together now-a-days. I love that we work so well together. Today him and I got into this little bitch fit fight and it took about 3 minutes to look at each other and decide it was retarded to fight. We hugged each other and were back to laughing in a matter of seconds. Him and I....We make a pretty darn good team if I do say so myself. I love him. I'm super excited to say that I'm engaged to a handsome man that loves me, and treats me with respect...Which is more than I can say about A2. So for everybody that is reading! This is the boy and I with E at a local concert in our town.






On another note- E has a yeast infection, she's been super sick and just not feeling well the past couple of days. Last night was the first night in about 2 weeks that she's slept through the night without waking up. Unfortunately it was also the night that I couldn't sleep!! Oh well. It happens. Seems like she's down for good tonight...fingers crossed folks!

M is being difficult again. She's constantly fighting with me over little things. Like working part time...uhh like 8 hours a week is going to overwhelm me? and tell me again who the fuck you think you are... But I digress.

My dad is doing really well. He made it home safely and is about to head back out for work. He's going back to northern California for business. I'm trying to figure out how to keep in contact with him consistently..Since him and I are always on the go, it makes it a little bit harder for us to stay consistent.

Found out that my rapist will be serving the rest of his sentence since he broke parole. This is such good news!!!! I was jumping for joy! D-bag deserves it. He was so manipulative and so physically aggressive I wake up punching the boy because I'm traumatized that it's going to be him laying the same bed as me instead of my man.

I'm proud to say that my little lady is officially taking steps! She'll be walking in no time at all! She's growing so stinking fast! I love her!

Well crap. E is awake. I must go and tend to my motherly duties.

Goodnight World!

Long time no talk.

Hello World.

Today is a post of ranting epicness. I'm having a rough day. It's been way to long..I've missed talking to you guys. I guess some of the stuff I'm dealing with is medicating now that I've found out that i'm bi-polar. They had me on Lamictal for a mood stabilizer and Zoloft for an anti-depressant. The Lamictal caused an allergic reaction causing a rash to develop all over my body :O it was terrible. The Zoloft wouldn't be much of a problem except it seems to make my depression worse... I'm waiting to meet with the Dr. again on the 23'd to get myself on a different mood stabilizer, because the Zoloft by itself is...troubling.. I'm glad I have someone here to watch for warning signs... It's been a rough couple of weeks.

On the bright side...I got ahold of my dad whom I haven't spoken to in 9 years and he came up from California to come see me for my birthday this month! It was a fantastic visit!

Anyways- I'm going to school @ the local cosmetology college. It's been stressful trying to go to school 40 hrs a week and pay bills plus be a full time mom. Life gets overwhelming easily... The amount of school work I have brings me back to my senior year in high school when I took 12 classes a day from 6:00 AM to 5:30 PM and then took 3 online classes @ home once I was done. I literally spent all of my time doing homework..

Oh well world. Back to work. :)

Well dang it.

I'm terrible! It's official. I haven't had the time to blog lately. It just seems like my life has been uprooted and E and I are floating around trying to find time to get stuff done together. Work has been wonderful- I've been in first booth almost every shift I've worked since they first stuck me back there. I was nervous about not catching on but that went out the window. I've gotten to the point now that I can open, close, and run ALMOST every position in the store. I'm so blessed to be able to say I have the job that I do. I love it.

E is 9 months old now! She's heavy as a horse and crawling around like a jumping bean on 8 shots of espresso! Oh how fun it is though! I love that when I make my way into the kitchen to get food started for us she will crawl in there and sit to just hang out with me. She's such a little angel. I've never seen a 9 month old as calm as her. She has her moments, don't get me wrong, but for the most part...she's really chill. She's started her speaking stage.. The other morning I woke up to "Mum....MUM" coming from her crib! She just called me until I came in there to pick her up! Such a rewarding thing, babies calling you by your name!

Figured you guys needed to see another picture of her as she's growing up! I'm in love! This little girl has my heart, and I know for a fact it will never change.

R&H- the twins that I work with at the golden arches are doing well. R has officially transferred to the other store :( I'm not pleased about this at all! Saturday was his last day working with me.. At least I still have H though!

M has been having a rough couple of weeks... She just had a miscarriage that has been extremely hard on her physcially and emotionally. I've spent a lot of time over there in the last few days just helping out making sure that I can do my part to make her life a little easier. On the other hand E2 has been doing wonderfully! He turned 1 in July and is walking about all the time now! He still doesn't have teeth though!!! ugh!

A2 has been fighting with me off and on as well.. it's been nuts trying to find a peaceful balance with him. He's always got something to fight about or something to say. It's just like... dude cool your jets! I know that you're frustrated with the situation.. so am I! Custody takes its tole on everyone. Oh well- nothing i can do or say to make it easier...

Anywho's

I have to jump off and get ready for work! Pack that little girls diaper bag while I'm at it too. Grammie and E are having a girls day!

Swimming Extravaganza!

Today E went swimming for the first time with her uncle E2 and some ladies from church! We had such a great time! She loved it! We will be going back tomorrow to swim some more! So I will make sure to get pictures and share them with you-Oh beautiful blogging world!

I woke up this morning feeling really awful, not sure if it's allergies or i'm coming down with something, either way, I have been miserable. Needless to say, a day off of work was seriously needed. I'm so thankful I have tomorrow off to recuperate! This week is looking busy so far, Monday will be my only day off this week, so I hope that E will get some sleep so that I can too! She's been up a lot in the middle of the night lately, I'm not sure what's going on with her...She's been sleeping through the night since she was 2 months old! (Lucky right?) And now all of a sudden, she's having a hard time sleeping. Oh well, I guess it happens. I'm sure it's because of her cold.

A is spending the night with me over at my house so that mom and dad can have their anniversary night in peace. They get a free breakfast with the hotel package, and a room that opens into the pool! (Hence going swimming!)  I'm looking forward to hanging out with A in the morning, we don't get to spend a whole lot of time together anymore. He's such a good little brother, always taking time to help out and be there for E1 and E2. I'm thankful to say he's my little brother, he's something to be proud of. He has great grades, is so smart, and has the biggest heart I've ever seen! I love that kid! I remember when he was so little! Now he's 11 and I find myself wondering where all of the time went!

This is a picture of A holding E for the very first time! That's me, hanging out in the background on my comfy hospital bed! Not going to lie- I seriously miss that thing! So comfy!

Anyways- I'm exhasted blogging world. I'm heading to my sweet pillow to crash for the night! I love you all!

So exhausted

E has come down with a cold :( it makes it extraordinarily hard to get the much needed rest in. I feel bad for her, poor thing is stuffy and running a slight fever. You can tell she hasn't been feeling well, she's grumpy, and tired, and over stimulated. This is cause for a very tired mamma. And to top it all off, I worked a double shift today and have to be up early in the morning. UGH. oh well though, life as a single mother I guess. I'm glad that I get to do it, and love all of the experiences, sometimes though, I wish I had somebody to help out so I could rest and rebound.

Today I ran first booth :O it was ridiculous! I had the hardest time counting change and taking orders at the same time. It's like my brain can't do math and English, plus add on memory. So let's just leave it at, it's impossibly hard to be back there. A new found respect for all the people running drive thru's now!

I ended giving me a ride home after my second shift tonight, turns out she'll be moving to Seattle :( I'm sad, I really like her and thought i'd be able to establish a better friendship but looks like time is short now. I want to just take a moment to say that I want the luxury of just moving somewhere new. Taking a vacation to who knows where and be away from all the hustle and bustle that is my life!

I think I sound whiny. Not to say that I'm more tired than others- I know people are working their tails off and have it worse than me, but dang! I'm just looking for a couple hour nap. Not a whole lot to ask for. Anyways, I'd miss my family too much if I decided to go on a vacation. I like my little town, it's happy, and everybody seems to know everybody somehow.

The neighbors are mvoing out! Thank goodness! I'm really glad! They are super noisy most of the time and since they'll be gone it won't be such a big deal when E is trying to get down to bed! UGH. It always seems to work out that way too! Its like a waiter who waits until you take a bite and then asks how the food is! Oh well.

Tonight is over than goodness! Headed to be to catch some much needed  ZZzzzz's won't be long before E is up and better get what little sleep I can before she wakes up. Speak of the devil.

She's up!
Goodnight World

WOOHOO! I'm back!

Blogging world- oh how I've missed you!

Sorry to everyone that does look at this blog! it's been a while since my last post because I haven't had internet! I have so much to fill you guys up on!

First off! E turned 6 months yesterday! how crazy is that! It seems like just yesterday I delivered her and now here she is learning to roll from her tummy to her back! Such a proud momma! Today was the first time anyone has caught her rolling! We layed her down on the floor at Grammie's house and next thing we know she had rolled over onto her back! I'm so excited about it! This is a day to remember!

 E goes in for her third round of shots here soon so keep her in your thoughts! I'm hoping that they all go well, it's been rough the last couple of times! I just hate to see her upset, I've figured out that I'm doomed to be a pushover parent! She cries when she's about to be put down for bed and it just breaks my heart, I know the only reason she does is because she doesn't want to go to sleep. I've let her cry for a little while, but after a couple minutes my heart just hurts so I get her up and rock her to sleep. Once she's asleep she is out. She's been sleeping like a champ since she was 2 1/2 months old! I'm so glad to have a little angel like her!

Tomorrow I work at six in the morning, looks like i've gotten a promotion at McDonalds after a month of work! You are officially talking to the new opener! I'm working consistant hours and it's a gauranteed 32 hours or more! I'll be running first booth (the first window in drive thru) which is crazy fast! Hopefully I learn as quickly as I have with everything else! I fly solo on Wednesday! AHH! Wish me luck! It's a blessing to say the least!

A2 came out for a bit today, the visit went decent enough. I try to keep it cordial, and just wing it. Although a lot of the time we just hold equal levels of frustration for eachother and can't ever seem to agree on things. I'm just hoping that he will come around more frequently. It seems like E remembers him, but doesn't really get that he's supposed to be there as much as me. Then again- she's 6 months old...

I digress.

I'm officially moved into the new house (as evidence of the internet)! I finished unpacking and getting things set up nicely! It's homey, a lot better than the old one. E seems to sleep better here than the last house too. Not certain why... I'm just glad that everything seems to be going well! We're happy and that's the best that I can ask for!

On a side note! This is E and I! We have waaayy too much fun!

Good night dear world!
Until next time!

Lack of interenet

I haven't posted in a couple of days- I've been busy moving houses and have absolutely no internet! I'm over at the parents house so that I can check my email and post a new blog! I have work in just a bit, so this might be a quick post!

That being said! E is doing great! She's been feeling better, her hernia is much smaller and it looks like she won't have to have surgery after all. She's working on learning to roll! How exciting! Her uncle E2 is learning to crawl! Together they're trouble! Soon they'll be walking and talking and i'm not sure i'm ready for that sort of craziness! Oh well! It's happening one way or another!

Well- for now until internet exists!
bye!

Another day.

Today has been a rough day. Worked early this morning and am moving to a different house. I have two days to pack a house and move it into a different one. So here I am- laying on my floor with my laptop next to me. E is asleep finally in the porta-crib. She has been a handful today :) She refused to take a nap so it was a die-hard day trying to get her to go to sleep, it happens though. Babies get overly-tired and there is nothing you can do except love them and hope that they finally get the rest that they need.

I felt really down today- I know that I struggle a lot with how to react with A. I know that he tries; I just have high expectations for him. I know that he wants to have a relationship with E, I just can't find the trust to let him in and be close to her. I want her to know A, I want her to be able to have a relationship with him. I want her to be able to recognize him when he comes around, the problem is...he rarely does. I think the problem I struggle with most with A is that if the roles were reversed I know the effort I would be putting in, and it just isn't apparent with him. I know he is capable of meeting the standards I have set, he just doesn't. ugh. Enough about that.

Thank goodness I have the day off tomorrow, I need this weekend to unpack and get myself situated. I wish that I had time to rest and relax but it just never seems to work out. I love being a single mom, don't get me wrong; there is nothing better than getting to say that I am the one to experience her firsts and I don't have to share that with anyone. Sometimes though, I wish I had someone here to help carry the weight. It gets hard being the one that wakes up with E, and having to figure out a good time to shower. Things change once you have a baby- people forget to mention that all too often. There is no such thing as down time anymore. I realize that E is my first priority and I come second now. I am perfect for somebody.  Oh well. I know somewhere in this world my perfect someone exists. I just have to wait for him to come around.  One day it will happen. I just need to be patient.

Ahhh patience. Such a hard thing to accomplish. I am constantly finding myself frustrated with how things are going. Whether it is at work or with my family, I am really trying to be loving and understanding and PATIENT. It's just hard.

Random side note- I really want this tattoo done :)

Well enough ranting. I need rest. Tomorrow is another long day. Lots of moving to do. Hopefully E transitions well to the new house. I know how hard it is on her to be uprooted from familiar surroundings. Goodnight world.

The first of many.

Hello World.
I've been inspired to start a blog. I don't know that anybody will ever see this, let alone care; but at the moment that's okay with me. My friend I showed me her blog and instantly I was blown away- she has the ability to write whatever she pleases and doesn't have to worry about the word vomit that ends up on her pages. I've been drawn to that. So here goes nothing blogger.

First and foremost- To M. Sometimes I think you forget that I am my own person. I breathe my own air, and have my own body. I love you, and listen to you and am inspired by you. However- at times you need to let me think and decide for myself. I know you're involved in my life, and that you care for me deeply, but sometimes you have to let the bird try to fly on it's own. Yes, of course they are going to fall and you can run in to help them get back up but you can't tell it to never fly again so that it doesn't get hurt. Birds fly, that's their nature. I am the parent of a beautiful child- and I love that you are involved in that, but the decisions that I make are mine. You do not get to overstep them, or tell me what decisions to make in the first place. That being said- I love you. You are one of the best people that I know. You are an inspiration, and you have always been there for me. Thank you. Thank you thank you thank you.

Second- To E. You are the light of my world. To be able to look at you and think- I was the one that held you for nine months in my womb. I was the one who looked at you and bawled the second you were born. I am the one that feeds you every time that you are hungry. I am the one that rocks you to bed at night. I am so thankful for every moment I get to spend with you. I am thankful for each and every moment I have with you. You are so innocent and beautiful. I hope that I will be the best mother I can for you. I'm already trying. You are the definition of purity; you haven't had the chance to experience this world of hurt, and I can only hope that you will be left unshaken as you grow up to the world around you. This place that we live in is hard- it's dark and sorrowful; but in it there is light. You are proof of that. One day you can look back on this blog and see all of the great things in life. I hope as you read this you will know the love I have for you. You are my everything. You are my happy.

Third- To A. It's hard to think about you. I have so many mixed feelings. I want you to be there, and yet I don't. Thank God for M. She is the only reason that I am able to work with you. Hopefully one day things will change, but until then I hope at least we can continue to look at the bigger picture.

Fourth- To I. I am so blown away by you. Thank you for the inspiration- Even if you have no idea that you inspired me. 

Good night world- It's late and avast I work in the morning!
Until tomorrow. Farewell.