Another day.

Today has been a rough day. Worked early this morning and am moving to a different house. I have two days to pack a house and move it into a different one. So here I am- laying on my floor with my laptop next to me. E is asleep finally in the porta-crib. She has been a handful today :) She refused to take a nap so it was a die-hard day trying to get her to go to sleep, it happens though. Babies get overly-tired and there is nothing you can do except love them and hope that they finally get the rest that they need.

I felt really down today- I know that I struggle a lot with how to react with A. I know that he tries; I just have high expectations for him. I know that he wants to have a relationship with E, I just can't find the trust to let him in and be close to her. I want her to know A, I want her to be able to have a relationship with him. I want her to be able to recognize him when he comes around, the problem is...he rarely does. I think the problem I struggle with most with A is that if the roles were reversed I know the effort I would be putting in, and it just isn't apparent with him. I know he is capable of meeting the standards I have set, he just doesn't. ugh. Enough about that.

Thank goodness I have the day off tomorrow, I need this weekend to unpack and get myself situated. I wish that I had time to rest and relax but it just never seems to work out. I love being a single mom, don't get me wrong; there is nothing better than getting to say that I am the one to experience her firsts and I don't have to share that with anyone. Sometimes though, I wish I had someone here to help carry the weight. It gets hard being the one that wakes up with E, and having to figure out a good time to shower. Things change once you have a baby- people forget to mention that all too often. There is no such thing as down time anymore. I realize that E is my first priority and I come second now. I am perfect for somebody.  Oh well. I know somewhere in this world my perfect someone exists. I just have to wait for him to come around.  One day it will happen. I just need to be patient.

Ahhh patience. Such a hard thing to accomplish. I am constantly finding myself frustrated with how things are going. Whether it is at work or with my family, I am really trying to be loving and understanding and PATIENT. It's just hard.

Random side note- I really want this tattoo done :)

Well enough ranting. I need rest. Tomorrow is another long day. Lots of moving to do. Hopefully E transitions well to the new house. I know how hard it is on her to be uprooted from familiar surroundings. Goodnight world.